We humans are really good at holding on to the past, even if the past wasn’t so savory. It often feels very difficult and uncomfortable to break old habits and move beyond past relationships of all kinds. If you are considering moving on from or redefining your current relationships with significant others, colleagues and/or jobs, family members or friends, clearly things were, at least in recent times, “not going so well”. And yet, despite things not going so swimmingly, human nature often has us clinging to our former expectations and desires to see the potential of those relationships come to fruition. Also, the known negative is most often less daunting than the unknown which could be a much better fitting job or relationship.
There’s only one problem with holding onto the past: it tends to create more of the same! And that doesn’t mean that either party isn’t capable of change. What it means, however, is that, if either party is to change, it can’t continue on the way it has been, it can’t remain in a perpetual chokehold.
As you are reading this, if that static state of non-changing, stranglehold just described is resonating for you, take 15 seconds, close your eyes and visualize yourself releasing your figurative grasp on “the other”, breathe deeply, and divorce yourself from one expectation you have from this “other”.
Congratulations, you’ve just changed the only factor in the relationship that you have any power over: that’s you and your view of the relationship!